Up My Own Ass

A few weeks ago a new MMORPG that may be the best candidate to rival World of Warcraft came out: Age of Conan.

One of the big stinks about Age of Conan is that it’s an M-rated adventure game (fuck yes) featuring nudity and extreme gore (and my goddamn g4ngk1ng the mad l00tz!)

As with any project the size of a true MMORPG, there is no real release… the game changes over time, grows and adjusts based on user demand. For example, World of Warcraft is quite a bit different now than from what was first release back in 2004.

One of the most recent patches for Age of Conan had the seemingly terrorism-supporting side effect of shrinking players yam-yams… their jubblies… their chest-luggage… their twin towers (ohhhhhhhhh too-soon-burn) as can be seen below from a player’s before and after shots:

(Click for larger shots)

One thing to note immediately is the player’s complete inability to function inside the virtual world in the second screenshot. Notice how in the first picture he’s taking charge, solving crimes and getting ph4t l00tz while in the second screenshot he’s just standing there incapable of thought? No motivation to continue?

Second thing to note is that the game supports nudity and he chose to grab comparison screenshots with clothes on… so fuck you guy on the forums. Next time pay attention.

With players ranting to FunCom that they will stop playing the game unless the cans of glory are restored, FunCom issues a press release that confirmed the boob-decrease was a side effect of them thinking the internet pervert population had declined, and that “massive cannage” would be restored shortly.

So let that be a lesson to you internet:

• M-rating
• Game has boobs
• One of the biggest MMO launches in history
• Boobs are decreased, players riot

Ergo, put boobs in every game.

BTW, I also run a day care if anyone is interested.

Update #1: It seems that FunCom has seen the error of their ways and will be reinstating mammary-mania shortly. Good… so I guess I can keep playing <takes pants back off>