Up My Own Ass

I was reading through the internet (I do that from time to time… read the internet, it’s like what Neo could do in the Matrix) and ran across this post by Benjamin Smith.

Apparently Ben likes to rock climb, for fun. Looking through some of his Flickr shots I have to assume that he likes to climb death… for fun.

It also appears that during one of these outings he got attacked in the face by Africanized kill bees and his reaction to said attack was, and I quote:

So what’s it like getting stung in the face by killer bees? It sucks. It doesn’t hurt, but it’s pretty uncomfortable. It’s a little comical too.

So shit that kills people is “… uncomfortable and a little comical too” to this guy. It dawned on me that while reading his article, this guy might be the hardest-core motherfucker ever, and then I saw the picture of the “bee stings”:

Umm, I don’t know how this picture is “proof” of bee stings, I think all it does is serves as a reminder that Ben is a wethered, bee-fighting rock-climbing death-spitting-at-ninja that will kill you in your face if you crossed him. Most people post pictures of their bee-stings and have bite marks every where and stupid looking swollen faces or a rash… looks here like Ben didn’t have time to do any of that stuff, he was too busy for those bees, the ones stinging him in the face, and had other things to do apparently.

I wonder if he is one of those guys that you get into a fight with at a bar, and you know you are screwed after the first punch when you land it squarly in his face and he just starts laughing… and then you piss your pants.

Or maybe he’s the wise old uncle that no one in the family ever pressures to do anything at family get-togethers because everyone whispers about what “Ben used to do in Korea” and how he “Has no ability to tell the difference between right and wrong” or some shit. I can already imagine what it would look like if I hung out with this guy on a regular basis:

Ben: I want a cigar

Me: Oh absolutely <stumbling over self to get out of chair fast enough and running straight out the front door> I’LL BE BACK IN 3 MINS!

Ben: <general grimmacing and squinty-eye-looking into the Sun>

Me: <pants and bleeding from ears> ok…. WHEW… ok… I ran to the store and got you 1 of each kind just incase.

Ben: <grimmace>

You can imagine how exhausting that would be, trying to bring your A-game all the time to a relationship that just consists of your A-game and his willingness to not kill you because it is Tuesday, and Tuesdays are Ben’s Sun-staring days… days where he just stares right into the Sun to remind it that it’s: “not so tough”.