Up My Own Ass

Not too surprising, it looks like the Speed Racer remake from the Wachowski Bros (5 years after the last Matrix) sucked donkey balls just as the trailer implied it would.

There was all this buzz about the special camera technology that they developed just to shoot this movie and how it was always under lock-and-key, then when you eventually get around to seeing the trailer, it’s just a bunch of people shot against a green-screen with CG vomit splashed all over the background… OHH SHINEY.

Hey guess what, movies are fun to watch, developing epilepsy just for the fuck of it one afternoon while holding popcorn is super-low on my TODO list; thanks Wacho Bros (OHHHHHHHH name-play-on-words-burn).

If I were 12, already had A.D.D. and my mom let me go see this without taking my Aderol, I’d probably think it was super awesome while I screamed and did circles around the front of the theater in my Heelies while Pixie-stick dust poured out of my mouth. The only real saving-grave of this movie is Christina Ricci… she looks like a plastic doll that talks, which makes me think maybe Real Doll (NSFW) has an upgraded model now?

If you haven’t seen it yet, checking out the trailer might be a good place to start first to see how much of an unoriginal anime-vomit-storm this movie set out to be: