Up My Own Ass
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The 3,000 Hit Club Conspiracy
The 3,000 Hit and 500 Home Run Clubs in Major League Baseball used to be pretty darn exclusive. But something happened. The old Veterans Committee, or the mob, whoever keeps tabs on baseball, have lost their collective touch. They’ll let just about anyone make it there now. You used to have some great players call [...]
Continue reading...Harry Potter Delays His Climax
18. August 2008
The box-office darlings have made a life-altering, earth-shattering, we’re-sorry-there-will-be-no-second-coming-of-the-messiah-after-all and by-the-way-there-is-no-Santa-Clause crushing announcement that has sent thousands running to petitionspot.com to cry to the producers about how it’s not fair, and how they’re just in it for the money (what is this, Hollywood or something?), and various other “Please Harry put on your clothes and [...]
Continue reading...A View of the Hills
18. August 2008
I have a confession to make. I watch The Hills. I have no good explanation for this, but – it is what it is. I have made a number of observations about the show and its delightful mélange of characters, and I would like to share them now with the whole world: What the fuck is [...]
Continue reading...Selma Blair’s Bedroom Eyes Made me Flacid
18. August 2008
I like to help people when I can… no scratch that… I like to help humanity when I can, which is always. That’s the way I roll. Given that (and my ripped abs), when you think of the phrase “bedroom eyes”, like “Jennifer is giving me her bedroom eyes”, do you think of a sultry sexy look, [...]
Continue reading...Michael Phelps to Walk on Water in One More Olympic Race
17. August 2008
Winner of about a cajillion gold medals, Olympic doggy paddler Michael Phelps has gone from the new Hannah Montana to the greatest athlete ever to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ Himself, as he has announced that he will actually walk on water during his last race in the summer Olympics. Phelps, who denies any relation [...]
Continue reading...Playboy Blah Blah Dasha Astafieva Blah Blah BOOBS
15. August 2008
Extrawhoredinary had a great post about an up-and-coming model Dasha Astafieva that apparently Hugh Hefner (creator of Playboy) has taken quite a liking to. The fact that Dasha looks nothing like any of the other 50%-fake-and-blond mascots that Hefner usually surrounds himself with makes me think he’s a changed man… “changed” in the sense that I [...]
Continue reading...Breaking News: Fake Breasts Aren’t Automatically Nice Breasts
8. August 2008
First off, I like boobs… big fan of the things. You can’t cut anything with them, peel vegatables or really even use them to hold anything, but if you’ve ever gotten a chance to spend time with them, they just seem smart. Honestly I meet very few people that dislike boobs. Men and women alike seem [...]
Continue reading...Mary-Kate Olsen Demands Immunity!
6. August 2008
As the Drug Enforcement Administration continues to investigate the “accidental” overdose death of Australian actor Heath Ledger, Mary-Kate Olsen, granddaughter of photojournalist Jimmy Olsen, and member of the infamous Olsen Twins, is refusing to speak to authorities without the promise of immunity. Immunity? She has watched one too many episodes of Survivor. I knew it. I [...]
Continue reading...Amy Winehouse is ALL WASHED UP!
6. August 2008
Singer Amy Winehouse was caught sunbathing by paparazzi at a beach house in the Hamptons this weekend. Absent of her signature ratty pubic-hair wig, heavy eyeliner and bright red lipstick, endearing track marks, and incontinence undergarment, fans of the much-troubled songstress have been all abuzz over these revealing photos. Is that a baby bump we’re seeing? Looks [...]
Continue reading...Mary-Kate Olsen Could be Connected to Heath Ledger’s Death
5. August 2008
Well originally there was no connection, but Mary-Kate’s lawyer keeps combating the investigation and requesting immunity from prosecution for his client. Seem guilty enough? How about dropping this in a statement: “and the fact that Ms. Olsen does not know the source of the drugs Mr. Ledger consumed.” Niiiice… isn’t that like when you were a kid, and [...]
Continue reading...Griffin, Quayle tells ‘Dancing with the Stars’ to piss off!
5. August 2008
After the raucous joviality that resulted from one-legged former Paul McCartney spouse Heather Mills’ involvement with ABC’s inexplicable hit Dancing with the Stars, reports have come out that Bravo D-List comedienne Kathy Griffin and former vice president himself Dan Quayle were each contacted by the show. And both had the utter temerity to turn down [...]
Continue reading...Britney Spears Looses Weight… Only Costs $22,000 a Month
29. July 2008
Every wondered what the secret to loosing baby-fat was after a pregnancy? Well here it is: $22,000/mo on professionals helping you I don’t want to hear any bitching and whining, I’ve given you the solution now you just have to have the commitment and will-power to implement it! It seems this is what Britney Spears is spending a [...]
Continue reading...Tera Patrick to Co-Produce Saints Row 2 (Video Game)
25. July 2008
We have always been big supporters of activities that involved boobs either directly or indirectly so when we heard the news that Tera Patrick was signed on to co-produce an already fun-looking Saints Row 2, we got pretty excited… in our pants… but also about the game… but mostly in our pants. While we are also [...]
Continue reading...New Beverly Hills 90210 Coming in September
21. July 2008
Fuck-to-the-YES! If you are old as shit or think MySpace is awesome “cuz 1 h4z fr13ndz!” then you wouldn’t understand this… just go stand in the corner until the adults are done talking, cause this shit is going to be epic. It looks like the CW network will be airing a new show that goes by the [...]
Continue reading...New DNA Testing Clears JonBenet’s Family from Guilt
9. July 2008
Holy Christ-on-crackers… after 12 years of assumed guilt for killing their daughter, JonBenet Ramsey, the Ramsey family’s name has finally been cleared of all shadows of doubt over their daughter’s death due to new “Touch DNA” testing. “Touch”? More like “About Fucking Time” testing… or “Pig-Raping Hell, Where Was This 12 Years Ago” testing… Can you even [...]
Continue reading...Megan Fox Dumps Brian Austin Green… I’m One Step Closer
5. July 2008
Word on the wire (that’s awesome-talk for “internet”) is that Megan Fox has cut things off with Brian Austin Green, or “The DJ from 90210″ - if you are in your 30s. Are any of us that surprised that this happened? Green having no acting career and Megan Fox more or less being the new hot [...]
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29. August 2008
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