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Motivational Poster Monday

3. November 2008

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It’s Monday again, and in the spirit of Motivational Posters, we are here to help you out:

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You Look Like Today Made Way Too Much Sense

3. November 2008

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It’s already been a long week and it’s only Sunday. I just got off the phone with a woman who wants to book a cruise and swears up and down that she sailed out of Nashville last year on her vacation and she wants to speak with my supervisor because I am being “unhelpful and ignorant” [...]

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What Goes Up, Must Come Down - Life’s Embarassing Moments

1. November 2008

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Now that we are all coming down off of the Halloween induced sugar high, we are officially entering the season to be thankful.  Thankful we haven’t been foreclosed on.  Thankful that our bank did not go tits-up under the cloak of night, swallowing our entire life savings.  Thankful that this Goddamn election will be OVER [...]

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I Know I’m Going to Hell, but…

1. November 2008

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Everyone’s got an [asinine] opinion on everything on the internet these days. Like a traffic accident, sometimes I can’t help but look. And as a hell-bound human, when I do, I can’t help but think of this picture. And laugh.

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And While We’re Going to Hell…

1. November 2008

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We might as well laugh our asses off doing it. Fast forward to 2 minutes and watch. Again. And again. And forward to your friends. Bookmark it and any time you’re having a bad day, just come back and watch Scarlet take one for the team - guaranteed to cheer you up all over again. Scarlet [...]

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Most Awesome Heart Attack Ever?

1. November 2008

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Yes folks, one-stop shopping has reached an all-time peak. Now you can get two of god’s greatest gifts on this morbidly obese, deep-fried green earth in one delectable wrapper: Krispy Kreme donuts and bacon cheeseburgers. I can die (of cardiac arrest) and go to heaven now. Or…wherever…since consuming one of these is probably akin to [...]

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Awesome Halloween Costumes: The Pet Edition

31. October 2008

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If you’re going to be that amazing, your sidekick has to be too.

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All Right, if Your Lazy Ass Hasn’t Gotten a Halloween Costume Yet….

31. October 2008

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Here are some ideas to get your butt in gear. You know you want to be this awesome.

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Always a Trick, Never a Treat

31. October 2008

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Halloween stinks! Just as much as the metal band Helloween, who, even in my teen metalhead days, I couldn’t take seriously. There are three things I can’t stand: green peas, Norwegians, and anyone who refers to Halloween as a “holiday.” It ain’t a holiday. Any more than Valentine’s Day or your stupid birthday, no matter how [...]

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Bush’s 3rd Term

28. October 2008

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Grant Gochnauer just dropped this in our inbox… awesome photoshop job:

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Smashing Pumpkins

27. October 2008

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I love Halloween.  I love pumpkins.  So, it was a no-brainer that I volunteer us to chaperon on a field trip to a pumpkin patch for our son’s 5th grade class. Then I remembered that I hate other people’s kids. I don’t know WHY I can’t retain that vital piece of information, but I am forever distracted [...]

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I Can See You. I Know What You’re NOT Wearing…

25. October 2008

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Well?  Do you?  If you haven’t already done so, the scary blue stalker guy with the shady, pixely face is going to hunt you down and find you, photograph you, and post it on his Facebook for all the world to see. I have absolutely fallen off the anonymity wagon and hopped onto the post-a-message-everytime-you-take-a-shit bandwagon.  It’s [...]

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Students Face Suspension for ‘Hit a Jew Day’

25. October 2008

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For their attempt to unselfishly add yet another Jewish holiday to the calendar, five Missouri sixth graders face suspension and mini-sensitivity training. It happened during “Spirit Week,” and in the spirit of the school’s “Hug a Friend Day,” (By the way, it’s days with this name that should truly be banned) that these young go-getters created [...]

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Happy Halloween-Ass-Cheeks

24. October 2008

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Robert Heron just sent this one in, and I think you should try it… seriously, and send us pictures.

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States to Vote on Incest and Bestiality

23. October 2008

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The religious right tried to warn us, but some of us - I’m looking at you Massachusetts and California (good thing I’m cross eyed) - didn’t listen. That slippery slope that everyone laughed at, the one about gay marriage leading to things like incest and bestiality, is now a serious possibility. Some states, probably New York [...]

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Broken English Spam is Awesome

23. October 2008

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Spam is usually an annoyance, but sometimes the language is either so extreme (old Spermmax ads anyone?) or so broken that it’s just hilarious. I got an email today that was the latter: Dearest One, I am so sorry if I may interrupt or violate your policy in any way,I have a proposal for you-this however is [...]

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