Up My Own Ass

Competency. Try it.

It’s Friday, thank god. As anyone who has ever worked a phone job can attest to, that amazing invention with the buttons and the dial tone attracts some total nutjobs that grace one’s daily life on this end of the telephone cord with some truly awesome glimpses at humanity at its finest. For example, the woman who [...]

Dying on a Budget?

Hey Mom, guess what I got you for Christmas this year?  I know its a little bulky, but one day you’ll be glad you have it. Oh yes, folks.  Everything you want, need, can think of plus the exact opposite of all of those things is now available at Costco. From presents for your grandparents for the holidays to [...]

Simply Having a Wonderful Christmastime…

It started out innocently enough.  I was listening to Christmas music, allowing myself a modicum of giddiness that Christmas is on its way.  It just isn’t Christmas in my world if I can’t hear Elton inviting us to “step into Christmas” or Bono reminding us “tonight, thank God it’s them instead of you!” I madeth a joyful [...]

It’s Ninja Day!!!

Ok, not really. But I found this video and HAD to make up a reason to share it. And in the spirit of it being (kind of) Ninja Day… here’s more Ninja cowbell for you. Ninjas. One of God’s greatest creations. There’s one watching you right now.

eBay That is True to His Name

Well… atleast he wasn’t misleading?

Yes, Virginia, There is a Liberal Media Bias

I had planned on writing something silly today. Maybe something about the Swedish bestiality ring that they just busted. Perhaps something cute about the former American Idol contestant who killed herself in front of Paula Abdul’s house. Or how the “secret” in Victoria’s Secret is apparently formaldehyde. But  I decided it was high time this soldier wrote about [...]

Ok I’ve Heard of Desperate, but…

Really? I mean, match.com or www.meetyourfreakloveronline.com or whatever is one thing. And I know that people can get frustrated with the bar scene. But who REALLY looks to people in the prison system for love!?? I was searching around for something on the internet yesterday, probably something like fluffy bunnies and pretty puppies, the way some of [...]

It’s an Inspirational Time…

The election is past us now (thank GOD will you MORONpeople stop calling my CELLPHONE now and wasting my MINUTES!?), and I’ve been in a reflective mood since that fateful night. Like, why the hell did boyfriend and I just spend $14 on two shots of tequila and two chasers at the election night party, only [...]

I Love Seeing People Getting Owned

Or is it Pwnd? Is it just me or is this the ONLY guy in the world who doesn’t see anything coming? WHEN GEESE ATTACK!! I can’t decide whose face makes me laugh more.

Motivational Poster Monday

CMAs Still On - Democrats Remain Orgasmic About Obama Victory

After much deliberation, the Country Music Association has decided that the show must go on. Despite the tragedy of Barack Obama’s victory in last week’s presidential election, the CMA Awards will go on as planned on November 12. American Idol minx Carrie Underwood, and a piece of paisley fabric apparently, will host the awards that will [...]

UK Teenager Changes Name to a Giant Mess of Crap

In a move that I can only assume was done to try and compete with me on a direct level of awesome, UK teenager George Garratt has legally changed his name to: Captain Fantastic Faster Than Superman Spiderman Batman Wolverine The Hulk And The Flash Combined. Yep… that whole thing is his name, people just call [...]

I Like Monkeys…

The picture in the previous post made me remember one of my favorite things that I once found circulating the internet.  Maybe it came from PETA, I’m not sure, but here it is for everyone to fondly recall: I like monkeys. The pet store was selling them for five cents a piece.  I thought that odd since they [...]

Forget It, Just Forget It… You Killed It

So, I write sometimes for this website that shall not be named, for this editor who shall not be named, right? I try to contribute to said Editor things that I find amusing that I come across in my daily porn searches facebook stalkings hours I devote to looking for ways to donate money to adorable [...]

LOL at McCain - Pre-Presidential LOLs for You

LOL@McCain has put together some of the better LOL-cat-style mockups of shots from the debates online… and I enjoyed a good portion of them (not because of a preference for or against McCain, just cause they were pretty damn funny). Actually a lot of the best ones were about Palin, here’s a sampling, but be sure [...]

No, it DOESN’T “All Go to the Same Place”

… and even if it *does*, that doesn’t mean it *should*. My roommate was trying to make the case for chicken and waffles the other day. If you haven’t heard of this combination, you’re not the first. But it’s true, some people eat chicken and waffles - yes, together - and those who like it, swear [...]