Up My Own Ass

Prior to my gallbladder surgery, I had decided that during my recovery I would convalesce by reading The Lost Symbol.  Having read Angels and Demons and The Da Vinci Code, I was pretty sure I would like it.  Besides, I deserved it.  I traded an unneccessary and poorly functioning organ for the opportunity, but I digress already.

I don’t really want to spoil the book for anyone who hasn’t read it, so I will try not to give away the major plot points, although, since Dan Brown uses the same cookie cutter for each book, it shouldn’t be hard for anyone to figure out.  Same cookie, different icing and sprinkles.

Basically, we have Robert Langdon summoned for something important by someone with a lot of money, things are not as they seem, Robert Langdon joins forces with a deeply involved pretty girl, they get chased by the feds through historic Washington DC attempting to save an important person, place, or thing.  Secrets are revealed.  Some people live, some people die.  The end.

The entire time I was reading this book, I was thinking of that AWFUL 1960s anti-war song – One Tin Soldier.  Two groups of people fighting over something buried under a rock, so the one group kills the other group for it, only to flip it over and read “Peace on Earth.”  I bet they felt stupid.  I fucking HATE that song.  Anyway, once you actually finish the book, you’ll understand. 

Another interesting, but not relevant to the plot, fact about this book is my weird “one degree of separation” from the entire plot of the book.  Very early on, the book mentions the pursuit of Noetic Science (which is basically the study of the untapped potential of the human consciousness) and it specifically cites The Intention Experiment written by Lynne McTaggart.  She does lots of “intention experiments.”  Now, here’s the cool part…wait for it…I TOTALLY KNOW THE GUY THAT RUNS THOSE EXPERIMENTS!!!  Totally.  We’re thick as thieves.  Seriously.  Starbucks – all the time.

The sucky part is that he didn’t get his name thrown into the mix like she did.  Oh well.  I guess he’s just Johnny “Behind the Scenes.” 

This is probably the worst book review in the history of book reviews.  I like the book, but I am sort of put off by the idea that Dan Brown is some sort of authority on the subject matter.  He’s a good story teller, but he doesn’t just KNOW the stuff he writes about.  He has to get someone to tell him all this juicy secret stuff, then he goes on Dateline and acts like Tommy “I’m a 33rd Degree Freemason” blah blah blah.  That’s as absurd as Stephenie Meyer knowing anything at all about vampires or originality or what constitutes plagiarism, you know?

I think the short answer here is to just go ahead and read it.  It’s interesting and I do like the way he describes the different symbols and monuments and whatnot.  Also, even though it’s a cookie cutter, the cookies ALWAYS taste good.  Cookies are delicious.

…and on the bloody morning after, one tin soldier rode to the bookstore and bought Dan Brown’s new book – The Lost Symbol…