Up My Own Ass

Okay, I know this subject has been acknowledged by this thread already, but I feel like beating a dead horse.  Wait, did I really just type that?

Okay, tasteless as that may seem, I am laying this one out.  This pisses me off.  I don’t know her from Adam’s housecat, but I know enough to know that she didn’t deserve the asskicking that she got.  I think what might even piss me off MORE than that is the fact that celebs such as T.I. and Terence Howard are supporting Chris Brown by stating that he is “aiight” and “still the same Chris.”

Wow, that’s a f*cking glowing endorsement.  I guess that means that this is just the first time we get to see the bruises.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I think women have a responsibility to get themselves out of situations like that.  On average, it takes a woman 7 attempts before she can successfully escape an abusive relationship.  It really only took me once.  I only needed to get my head slammed into a wall ONE TIME before I declared it the beginning of the end.  I have been happy and bruise-free for 7 years, thank you.

Now, to those that claim to be Rihanna’s friend, now is the time to remind her what a dick Chris Brown is.  What is he, like 20?  He needs to have his ass kicked so severely that he will never, ever even CONSIDER raising a hand to swat a fly for the rest of his life.  I mean, who the FUCK does this clown think he is?  Doesn’t Rihanna have brothers, for crissakes?  I know damn well that Kanye and Jay-Z have plenty of resources to make Chris Brown a non-issue.  I’m not saying rub him out…no…I’m not even saying we should stop playing his music.  It definitely has a good rhythm and I can dance to it…I’m just saying that Chris Brown needs to take his own advice and “feel the beat.”  (thank you, Patrick.)

I don’t even remember the name of the flamer design star that said, “She’s a diva, she must have done something to provoke it” but I suppose that anyone making that statement would probably be better served NOT to be identified.  Just to clarify it for this queen…this is NOT the same kind of fisting that you frequently enjoy…you should do your research before making such declarations.

[smartads]

Seriously, it is my firm belief that he needs to take a beating.  Somebody needs to quietly beat him about his face and neck so that the whole world will hear him whimper…an eye for an eye, or rather – a black eye for a black eye.  The entire situation could be resolved inside of 15 minutes with nothing more than a dark alley and an aluminum bat.

And finally, Rihanna, darling, he will hit you again.  Statistically it is a given.  Especially now since he sees that you are hiding from him and his friends are supporting him.  He’ll probably be pissed that you said anything to begin with, and you’ll get a worse beating next time because of how foolish you made him look.  This man kept you from performing at the Grammy awards.  It is a moral imperative for you to publicly humiliate him.  You must, must, must not go back to him.  Your stock will plummet and your friends will turn their backs and refuse to enable you.  The next 20 times he does it, people will say that you must enjoy it because you refuse to leave him.  Worst case scenario, I submit to you Nicole Brown Simpson…

The flip side is that if you DO publicly declare that you want nothing more to do with this abusive cockbag, you will be applauded for your strength, your CD sales will skyrocket, and you will become a role model for insecure, beaten down young women everywhere…the choice is yours.

I’m sorry I said all these terrible things, Chris, it’s just that you make me so mad.  Why do you always have to make me so mad?  It’ll be different next time, baby.  I promise.

Editor’s Note: I’m also a fan of “Why do you make me hit you?!” and the always useful “I have to do this so you will LEARN!”