Up My Own Ass

Hey Mom, guess what I got you for Christmas this year?  I know its a little bulky, but one day you’ll be glad you have it.

Oh yes, folks.  Everything you want, need, can think of plus the exact opposite of all of those things is now available at Costco.

From presents for your grandparents for the holidays to things to put them in when they croak, the gift giving possibilities are endless.

But wait, there’s more…

Should you need your casket right away (and who doesn’t Shirley, am I right?) we can provide expedited shipping if you order before 2:00PM EST and it’s included in the price. How great is that?

Just look at these prices!!!  The “In God’s Care” Casket is only $1,299.99 with expedited shipping included, people!!!  This casket is 18 gauge steel, Neapolitan blue with an adjustable in-coffin bed and mattress, because who wants to be uncomfortable for the rest of eternity, am I right?

And it only weighs two hundred and twenty pounds.  Multiply that by two and I’m moved in already!!! *wink*

So come on down folks, hurry up, act now, buy fast, don’t delay, and bring the kiddies why don’t ya.