Up My Own Ass

Everybody’s talking about Caroline Kennedy’s bid for Hilary Clinton’s Senate seat just because her dad was president and that pederast Neil Diamond wrote a song about her.  But in the land of politics making strange bedfellows (Not that two fellows should be in bed together. God calls this an abomination; though I call it hot!), if you enjoyed the hilarious antics of Fran Drescher and the guy who played ISA agent Shane Donovan on Days of Our Lives (DOOL, to ultra fans) on the hit sitcom (or shitcom) The Nanny, you’ll love what the fingernails-on-a-chalkboard-voiced actress is up to now.

Oh, you may have thought she vanished into the entertainment abyss after her Hulk Hogan/Ernest Goes to Camp/any recent National Lampoon film-level farce Beautician and the Beast, but you, my friend (Kiss me) should be so lucky. Lucky, lucky, lucky. You should be so lucky in love.

Like Sweet Caroline, Drescher heard from some tool Governor in Illinois that you can but Senate seats like you can buy votes or a white baby. So she too wants Hilary’s New York Senate seat, which was vacated because President-elect Obama wants to keep his enemies close.

This sets quite a precedent. Soon Balki, Urkel and Mr Belvedere will want to be senators too. We can even put Screech, Webster and Alf in Congress, for Pete’s sake. The House and Senate can both look like the TV Land Awards.

But, truthfully, we’ve been there, done that, worn the T-shirt, stained the T-shirt with hooker blood, buried the hooker, and…uh…yeah.

We’ve already had Gary Coleman run for Governor of California, and Gopher from The Love Boat was a Congressman for years. Or maybe that was Scooter from The Muppets. But then there was Sonny Bono, singer/mayor/really bad skier.

Where does it end?

Somewhere in Heaven Freddie Prinze, Dana Plato and Karen Carpenter are running for office. But up there, Lincoln will stop them. Who will stop entertainers here on Earth?

Arnold Schwarzenegger could lead to Dolph Lundgren and Brian Bosworth.

Al Franken could lead to Emo Phillips and The Amazing Jonathan.

Jessa Ventura could lead to King Kong Bundy and “Exotic” Adrian Street.

All we need is Drescher using the Senate as a springboard to the White House. Luckily, this broad has a better chance at building a time machine and traveling to  pre-1960 to try out at shortstop for the Washington Senators than actually ever sitting next to Chuck Schumer.