Up My Own Ass

Wow parenting just gets better and better these days! Now, if you make a mistake - or nine of them - Nebraskan law says you can just click “cancel” and call it a day!

I can see it:

Hi honey, how was your day? Fine snookums. I got tired of changing diapers for Billy, Samantha was giving me her pre-teen lip again, and Rodney’s college tuition for his first semester was coming up soon so I just went ahead and dropped them off at the hospital. Yes that’s right, for good. They’re gone now, end of parenting! No honey don’t worry, they’re not ours anymore, the hospital will take care of it under the ’safe haven’ law. Yep simple as that, and we don’t have to worry about being pegged for bad parenting because you know it’s not like we left em in a dumpster. Yeah I know, Johnny was too big to fit anyway since he’s 6′3″ and can drive away anyway. Guess you were right, I shoulda wrapped it up the last 8 times. Who knew kids would take so gosh darn much attention! But enough about all that it’s behind us now - what should we do with our new lives?!

FOR REAL!? Tap tap tap, is this real life? Is this thing on?