Up My Own Ass

The first line of the story says it all:

STEVENSVILLE, Montana (AP) — About 90 elementary school students in Montana have started a series of rabies shots after a parent let them touch a dead bat that was later confirmed to be diseased.

But really, to get the full effect, you have to keep reading:

The mother of two students gave presentations in five classrooms and allowed the kids to touch the dead bat last week. She offered each student who touched the bat a sanitary wipe.

<blinks unbelievingly>

…

<speechless>

…A sanitary wipe? As in what you use to clean barbecue sauce off your fingers after a chow-down on them good ol’ Texas Roadhouse ribs? After having elementary school kids…touch…a dead bat?

Elementary school kids, as in those little monstrocities that eat their boogers and have to be awarded gold stars on charts for remembering to wash their hands after dropping dookie in the school bathrooms??

For god’s sake woman, take a BLOW TORCH to those little grubby hands!

Way to go, Mom! Not only do you win the “awesome” award of the week, you also are responsible for incurring upwards of $150,000 in liability insurance for the ensuing six-shot rabies vaccine series!