Up My Own Ass

About.com has a little gallery of Scary Exotic Pet Pictures, and while I didn’t really find most of them too scary… this one was a shocker.

This giant shelled bringer of disease and doom is a Giant African Land Snail, and it would probably kill you for no other reason than it was bored, and you had a stupid look on your face…

In extreme circumstances the Giant African Land Snail has been known to secrete poison and lasers from it’s slimy underbelly bringing doom and carnage to families, small towns, forests and New York once back in the 80s… but the whole thing was more or less swept under the rug so the US could save face during the cold war.

Another interesting fact is that they climb into trees when they get mad at you and hatch plans on how to get even (Pictured Right)

Consider this:

FACT: 11,000 people die every year from coordinate giant-land-snail attacks in most major metropolitan cities**

So next time you are prancing around a rain forest thinking your hot-shit because your iPhone has JailBreak on it and you run all the latest “apps” on it… that’s probably a snail-agent-of-doom watching your every move and it’s not impressed with how fast you can SMS your friends.

** This is not, nor has it ever been, a fact resembling anything even remotely true.