Giant African Land Snail

Mon, Apr 28, 2008 (Scary)

About.com has a little gallery of Scary Exotic Pet Pictures, and while I didn’t really find most of them too scary… this one was a shocker.

This giant shelled bringer of disease and doom is a Giant African Land Snail, and it would probably kill you for no other reason than it was bored, and you had a stupid look on your face…

In extreme circumstances the Giant African Land Snail has been known to secrete poison and lasers from it’s slimy underbelly bringing doom and carnage to families, small towns, forests and New York once back in the 80s… but the whole thing was more or less swept under the rug so the US could save face during the cold war.

Another interesting fact is that they climb into trees when they get mad at you and hatch plans on how to get even (Pictured Right)

Consider this:

FACT: 11,000 people die every year from coordinate giant-land-snail attacks in most major metropolitan cities**

So next time you are prancing around a rain forest thinking your hot-shit because your iPhone has JailBreak on it and you run all the latest “apps” on it… that’s probably a snail-agent-of-doom watching your every move and it’s not impressed with how fast you can SMS your friends.

** This is not, nor has it ever been, a fact resembling anything even remotely true.

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This post was written by:

Editor - who has written 188 posts on Up My Own Ass.

Writing Pulitzer-prize-winning articles about the most important topics ever, in the world, but mostly about boobs.

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7 Responses to “Giant African Land Snail”

  1. Phil Says:

    Oh my god, I would buy salt by the bagful if those were where I lived.

    Reply

  2. Luke Says:

    i have been breeding African Giant snails and they have laid eggs. i will be selling them for £15 each.

    Any takers

    Reply

  3. kayleigh Says:

    £15!!!! That is so expensive. do not buy them. I got mine for £2.50 so you are waaay overpriced

    Reply

  4. Editor Says:

    Kayleigh,

    Do you buy them as babies or giant monster snails?

    Reply

  5. becky Says:

    my Giant African Land Snail is two and the size of my hand. He/it is not fully grown and worth around £3.50. The bigger they get the more expensive and my local petshop give away eggs. Buying one for £15 is rediculous.

    Reply

  6. Editor Says:

    Backy would you mind sending in a picture of it to contact@upmyownass.com? I’ll add the picture to this story… I think these things are awesome.

    Reply

  7. Valentine Says:

    There snails dude…

    Reply

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