Up My Own Ass

It seems that Texas is having a problem because of their infidel beliefs and rampant republican population… God has sent them a plague.

This plague is in the form of ultra-small, fuzzy and “crazy” ants. The crazy part comes from their complete lack of coordination and team effort; they more or less run around “crazy” and are microscopically small.

Their size and crazy demeanor isn’t the problem so much as they apparently seem to have the ability to mass-produce themselves like they were being trucked in from China. One of the biggest complaints being that they are shorting out electronics and house-hold circuitry left and right because they get themselves jammed up inside of stuff.

When you consider one infidel’s account of the ants:

“They’re itty-bitty things about the size of fleas, and they’re just running everywhere,” said Patsy Morphew of Pearland, who is constantly sweeping them off her patio and scooping them out of her pool by the cupful. “There’s just thousands and thousands of them. If you’ve seen a car racing, that’s how they are. They’re going fast, fast, fast. They’re crazy.”

By the cupful… good god, if that’s not a sign that the pro-guns, pro-freedom w/ a side of unabated government surveillance is a sham platform to stand on then I don’t know what is.

I’d suggest Texas start voting independent just to swing things back away from utter disaster. I’d say a handful of folks could get away with some Ron Paul write-ins come election time, but not too many… I think if you get more than 10% that results in a plague of badgers… and that scores right up there under getting genital herpes on your eyes from a one-night-stand that convinced you to carry a concealed weapon.