Up My Own Ass

Even though I am really indignant and annoyed right now, I have decided to turn my frown upside down by creating a list of all the things for which I am thankful this season.  So, here goes:

I am thankful for my family.  They are lovely and do lovely things, mostly. 

I am thankful for these nice flannel jammies that I got at a yard sale for a buck.  They fit me perfectly and they keep me toasty warm.  They are April fresh.  I am sleepy.

I am thankful for Downy for being April fresh.

I am thankful that I am not an intractable douchebag.  Some people are and you can recognize them by the way they lie like cheap rugs, defraud people, and steal their money.

I am thankful for Glee.  Duh.

I am thankful that I don’t look like Bruce Vilanch.  I am thankful that most people don’t look like Bruce Vilanch.

I am thankful that I don’t have to drag my laundry to a laundromat. 

I am thankful that I don’t have a goiter or syphilis.

I am thankful that I don’t have a big ass that prevents me  from wearing dresses because of the constant wedgie that I would have.  Dress wedgies are awful.

Finally, I am thankful that I have a delightful place to rant, and people that read my rants – even if they don’t like them and tell me, in very poorly spelled, hard-to-read words, that I suck harder than a Hoover.

Have a spectacular Thanksgiving.  Enjoy much merriment!