Up My Own Ass

The box-office darlings have made a life-altering, earth-shattering, we’re-sorry-there-will-be-no-second-coming-of-the-messiah-after-all and by-the-way-there-is-no-Santa-Clause crushing announcement that has sent thousands running to petitionspot.com to cry to the producers about how it’s not fair, and how they’re just in it for the money (what is this, Hollywood or something?), and various other “Please Harry put on your clothes and come back to Hogwart’s” pleas.

By the way, I find it fascinating-like-a-traffic-accident that the petition to “Bring Misty back to Pokemon” scores a mind-boggling 28,119 and counting signatures (who the hell ARE you freaks!?), and that, of course, “Harry Potter you make me wet” brings in a non-stop string of 313,414,824,581,104,382+ names as fans try to make a difference in their world. And that’s in the past three days alone.

Speaking of making a difference in the world, meanwhile “Stop Retailers from Wasting Paper on Receipts to save our earth” draws in a whopping 80 signatures - in nearly two MONTHS.

But back to the important things. Harry Potter fans may have to wait another eight months before watching their bespectacled beloved. But Warner Bros president Alan Horn is ready with coddling words to soothe the already-picketing fans.

“We would never do anything to hurt one of the movies or the series. We love our fans.” (We just love our money more. WAY more!)

(Oh and there is no Easter Bunny either.)