Up My Own Ass

This just in, researches have confirmed that Megan Fox does in-fact have a head. After flipping through the latest FHM photos a group of doctors were able to eventually locate Ms. Fox’s head… perched right above her shoulders.

It seems that in these FHM shots Megan (I call her “Meg” sometimes “Meggers”, we’re tight like that, she calls me a lot) is sporting brunette hair instead of her regular “remember black hair looks awesome on me too” hair color.

extraWHOREdinary was quoted as saying:

Boring ass, no curves, dead eyes, sound bite interview. Snooze.

If that is the case, then why am I naked right now? Why have I been naked for the better part of a day and why do I itch so badly? Hmmm?

I’m not sure what the requirements are to not be boring, but half-naked is on a very short list of mine for making attractive women not boring. Boobs is another one and completely naked is the last one.

If most women walked around naked I think they would find my company much more appealing… I wouldn’t have to spend so much time asking them to take their tops off so I can “tolerate them talking to me”.

Also for anyone else interested, I wrote a marriage-counseling book titled: The Back of My Hand Will Teach You. It’s an Amazon best-seller and used in most marriage counseling courses in Botswana*.

* The Up My Own Ass writer does not condone spousal abuse… if he had a spouse… or talked to girls he would encourage you to shower them in praise, but not weep in front of them and beg them to see “them”… apparently that’s not “macho enough”.