Up My Own Ass

I’ve got the solution to North Korea’s food problem… how about horrifically obese monkeys?

What you see here is the result of tourists to the Japanese wildlife sanctuary overfeeding the monkeys. The awesome part about this is that no one gave a shit while the monkeys were getting too fat to walk, just afterwards… after their diarrhea sits under them like a mount of butt-gold for one of the keepers to clean out by pushing them over with a plank, and spraying out.

WOOPS, now we care… cause your fatness effects us.

Humans are the same way… I think secretly everyone that isn’t morbidly obese wants to see a super-fatty eat themselves to death at some point as payback for existing and making us look at you during your time of existing.

Really? That’s cute? You gonna toss on your bikini and sit outside and drink something because you are feeling frisky?

Guess who else is feeling frisky? Your heart… and not because its a nice day, but because it just threw a clot and your brain just put down a 5-spot that it thinks you’ll stroke out here at any moment if you have to stand up.

I think my favorite part of horrifically fat people is when they educate you about something… anything.

I don’t care what it is… they have an opinion on it, they think it’s a good opinion, and all I can think about doing is asking them to eat 3 pizzas in a row and see if their heart can keep pumping.

Who gives a shit about people like this…

Discovery channel will bulldoze the wall of your house out and medi-vac you to the nearest hospital in order to “save your life”… I’m going to go out on a limb here and guess that you don’t give a shit about the life-saving aspects of the whole helicopter ride… chances are you are curious if the helicopter can swing by Wendy’s and snag you a Frosty on the way (hmmm… frosty….)

Thanks Brian Fernandes for the heads up.