Up My Own Ass

So a “sex tape” of Verne Troyer (Mini-me) and his girlfriend Ranae Shrider got leaked to the internet… because for some reason, recording a sex-tape immediately gives the people that are involved, the inability to hold onto anything private and immediately share it with the world.

Why is that? That’s like having a friend that you tell your deepest secrets to and he immediately logs onto MySpace and posts them… along with his social security and banking information <scratching head>…. maybe when I become a complete douche-bag I’ll understand the logic behind this.

Anyway, back to the “sex tape” (see what I did there with the quotes? I’m awesome…); Generally speaking, watching dwarfs tongue their girlfriends in home-made sex tapes makes me pretty goddamn unhappy. But for some reason, mini-me’s girlfriend on the left… Ranae Shrider… seems fine with it… maybe money insulates her from the paralyzing effects?

Extrawhoredinary points out that the sheer physics of the two having sex doesn’t add up… like taking an ionized particle neutron and overloading it’s electronics with dyna-synced protons… it just doesn’t make sense… am I right?

Dwarfs were put here on earth to be hilarious in movies… not so much for having hot internet-sex.

I saw a porn clip once online, like 10 years ago, of a dwarf woman having sex with a normal-sized person. After the clip was over, I nodded, acknowledging what I saw, and quickly ran into my room and cut the arms and legs off of all my dolls (all normal teenage boys have dolls… whatever you wouldn’t understand, you aren’t normal).

I might not be able to stop them if they all attack me at once… but if they are reeeaaallll slow about it, and just thumping their heads against me… I could probably take them.

NOTE: I have had some concerns with my self-defense abilities as it seems I can’t take that many 5-year-olds in a fight… if I had to.

So here’s the super-uncomfortable video of Ranae just lying there… gettin’ it, or something. I want to hand her a magazine or something, she looks bored. Maybe we could pool our funds and buy her one of those electronic Sodoku puzzle games?

Thanks Extrawhoredinary!

P.S.> If you got turned on watching that, we should hang out. If your bar to “good sex” is set that low, I’ll basically blow your mind. I can’t promise I won’t just sit there, drinking beer, and possibly spilling it on you… but whatever, I can still lean over during commercials and stab you in the face with my tongue… hmmmm Hot!