Up My Own Ass

Holy Christ-on-crackers… after 12 years of assumed guilt for killing their daughter, JonBenet Ramsey, the Ramsey family’s name has finally been cleared of all shadows of doubt over their daughter’s death due to new “Touch DNA” testing.

“Touch”? More like “About Fucking Time” testing… or “Pig-Raping Hell, Where Was This 12 Years Ago” testing…

Can you even imagine what it’s been like for that family? They have been assumed to have killed their daughter from every media outlet that covered the story and in popular culture… hell, they got their own South Park Episode.

While I’m happy for the family, I think this is the perfect opportunity to buy a pair of steel-toed boots and get ready to start kicking people in the face… starting with our lawyer and the media outlets that covered this story from the get-go.

The saddest part of this whole mess is that this story… the one about how they are unequivocally innocent isn’t likely to get much coverage at all… it’s not as grabbing as “Family kills daughter, eats body and murders bus full of infants”.

Thanks Perez Hilton!

P.S.> I totally thought they were guilty to, so I feel like a dick… but am still happy for them.

P.P.S.> What if this is all a lie… hmmmm!!!

P.P.S.S.> Ok nevermind, they are innocent… I was just thinking outloud.