Up My Own Ass

The #1 threat to America right now is education.

When you really sit down and think about it, no one stupid ever plotted an assassination or a terrorist attack. No one stupid every rioted and killed police or injured public officials. No one stupid ever didn’t shop at Wal-Mart because it was eating America from the inside-out and No one stupid ever questioned the comforting blanket of doom and passive-aggressive control that the government has laid on us over the last 8 years… only smart people have done those things.

This is why I was encouraged… motivated and relieved to see a new study performed by the Thomas B. Fordham Institute in Washington, that showed the implementation of the “No Child Left Behind” program has effectively redirected supportive resources away from smart, top-performers in the class (aka “Al-Qaeda terrorists”) and towards the underachievers and consistently low-performing students… the best part? This has resulting in an overall flattening out of performance in the class room, bringing up the under-performers while lowering the top-performers.

In other words the program has successfully de-terrorised the top 10% students most likely to become terrorists, or disagree with the rule of thumb at some point in their life, and given that over-achieving performance to the bottom 50%, or “dick brains”, giving them just enough functioning motor skills to learn how to make poor choices in the stock market and start shopping at Costco instead of Wal-Mart for toilet paper.

The challenges this administration faces right now is learning how to take this obviously successful program and main-stream it directly into Iraq; reshaping the citizens non-Americans insurgents terrorists thought processes and mental capacity in such a way that tying a shoe could take them the better half of a day.

When you look at the culture, lifestyle and class that America has brought to the world and imagine that not happening elsewhere, like where Jesus was born, it’s just ridiculous.

Yes we have our ups and downs, Yes we could be better about certain things and No we probably don’t need to have sex in the front seat of a car while our kid is in the back seat… but if you don’t have the mental muscle to discern Right from Wrong, Good from Evil or even tell when you are acting like a goddamn redneck, then you can’t really be doing anything wrong.

In closing, America rules, our educational system is the best in the world and we could probably kick any countries ass… so suck it, world.