Up My Own Ass

Chocolate Thunder, the new Stiller-Black-Downey Jr. vehicle, has been released to rave reviews from most, but not from that one group of characters that all filmmakers target: the special.

Of course, all parents tell their children that they’re special, but here I mean “special,” as in “Olympics,” “needs,” and “Stop eating those pennies.” Members of the Special Olympics, who worked so closely with the Farrelly Brothers to make The Ringer such a hilariously sensitive film, are upset that Tropic Thunder uses the R-word a little too freely. Thus, they have called upon all retard-friendly citizens to boycott the film, a difficult task considering comedies and action movies are usually targeted to retards in the first place.

Hearing the call, groups of Special Olympians have already been seen picketing Hulk Hogan’s Thunder in Paradise, a number of grocery stores carrying Tropicana products, and a few bowling alleys.

Filmmakers have taken note that the simple way to avoid future protests from the special will be to use the newest term for those people, “fucktards,” or to have Tom Hanks play the character and run and play ping pong a lot.