Up My Own Ass

You know…”in MY day”…being 13 meant swimming at friends’ houses, playing street hockey, maybe some classic Street Fighter on Super NES, or Mario Kart before it went all crazy 3D on the Game Cube, I could never handle those crazy controllers… But now, NOW, apparently being 13 means txt-ing. Non. F-ing. Stop.

This dad I dunno, what, called CNN to report the story? Anyway CNN reports on this dad who said his 13-year-old daughter sent 14,528 texts.

In one MONTH.

No, that 14,528 figure isn’t like one of those 34234,3423,141012312, #$%@$!$akfja;ljfa;dfjae figures. I mean it. Seriously. FOURTEEN THOUSAND, FIVE HUNDRED, AND TWENTY-EIGHT TEXT MESSAGES!!! In a month!!!

Note:  That’s 484 messages a day… about 1 message every 2 minutes (ignoring time for sleep)

You know, if it works like insurance, then this stupid ass little girl is the reason folks like me, who can’t afford proper texting coverage, have to pay higher premiums for every text message I DO send.

That’s right, those ass-suckers at T-Mobile charge me TWENTY frickin’ cents for not only every message I SEND, but every message I RECEIVE from my moron friends who fail to consider the little guy, who doesn’t HAVE unlimited friggin texting.

So meanwhile, Miss Blitzfreakintextalot over there (that’s European for texting – that was your culture dose for the day, did you miss it? Ignorant American bastards.) in 13-year-old land floods the SMS world with I-just-learned-to-menstruate drivel no doubt comprised of “omg did you see Sky’s new flat bill today” “I know it’s still got the neat gold STICKER on it.” “rofl he’s SO Raven” barfola.

GOD I just want to walk up to people these days and BEND THEIR DAMN BILL FOR THEM. Like oh I’m sorry, did you miss the memo? You look like a freakin DUMBASS!!!!

Yeah. Yeah I’m talkin to you… smug crapbag.

But I digress.

Anyway so let’s get back to this RIDICULOUS amount of text messages, clouding up my air waves, and her free texting making my pay per text so damn expensive – or at least so damn annoying.

Let’s break it down how much 14,528 (!!!) text messages would actually cost me in a month:

• 484 text messages/per day
• $0.20/per message
• TOTAL: $2905.60

and it was delivered in a 440-PAGE STATEMENT from AT&T!!!!