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Honestly, I blame the McCaugheys. You remember… Kenny and Bobbi McCaughey and their septuplets. Fucking SEPTUPLETS.
The drill is always the same. “We couldn’t have babies, so we prayed about it and God blessed us with all these wonderful babies and promised to take care of all of us!!!”
My question is this: Why weren’t you listening when God was telling you not to have any kids?
Anyway, the McCaugheys had their babies and everything was perfect for them. Yes, Bobbi acted like the beleaguered mother who was ever-so-blessed to have more mouths to feed than tits to go around. Of course, the McCaugheys have wanted their privacy, as well, and refused to exploit their children like the Dione quintuplets – a point she made abundantly clear after they graciously accepted the free nanny services, the free diapers and formula, the free 9-passenger van, the scholarships for all of their children, and the free 5500+ square foot house. Seriously. Oh, and the free orthodontic work for Bobbi… I mean, what kind of a mother has crooked teeth, for crissakes? I am so glad that God took care of them so well. I can sleep at night knowing that their boil-in-bag babies are well-tended and that they don’t have to make so much as one house payment. Praise Jesus, eh?
Flash forward to the Duggars. The Duggars freak me out.
Now, in their defense, they haven’t used any manner of fertility drugs AND they pay their own way in the world… albeit at least partially through exploiting their family through television specials, and now a television show – 17 Kids and Counting. Interestingly, they don’t watch TV because it is not pleasing to God, but they will merrily whore themselves on television to turn a buck. I guess Jinger (what a fucking AWFUL name, I never even read that as GINGER, I read it as though it rhymes with RINGER… ugh), Jebediah, Josiah, Jamiroquai, and John Jacob Jinglehimer all need braces. On a recent episode, they hosted the Bates family, a carbon copy family with 16 kids who all dress in prairie dresses or polo shirts. The Duggars just need to know when to say “when.”
I guess they are just creepy because they do nothing but fuck and make babies and pray. Not so much because they have nine babies at a time. Do you suppose they pray WHILE they are fucking? They are still creepy, and Michelle Duggar’s uterus is probably roughly the size and consistency of an old pillowcase. I’ll pray for them.
That brings us to who I believe is the most unlikeable family on television. The Gosselins. I have nothing but contempt for people who buy their babies in bulk and claim that God led them in that direction. God is God, he doesn’t need to lead you anywhere to knock you up; please refer to the Bible for further details on that. Why doesn’t anyone ever say, “In spite of years of trying, God blessed us by not encumbering us with offspring?”
Anyway, according to her little bio on her precious little website, Kate says that after she had her spin-cycle twins, she wanted to have more babies. They were even going to adopt a baby in a situation that, by her own admission, was going to be a very easy adoption (something that other infertile couples pray every day for), but she prayed about it and God told her not to take the baby. So they REFUSED a little baby in favor of going through fertility treatments to have a litter of their own. Now they have a show so that they can exploit God’s little miracles for money. They are ALSO getting a big, fancy wedding ceremony out of the deal; I thought they were already married?
Isn’t that a fine kettle of fish?
Let’s set the record straight: God didn’t make Kate Gosselin and Bobbi McCaughey pregnant – fertility doctors did. Nobody thinks either of them are heroes for carrying a gross of babies to (almost) term. God wanted to give Kate Gosselin a perfectly good baby created by other people, but she didn’t want that one. As far as God taking care of you and your family, are you referring to the church of Lifetime Television, Dateline NBC, and Good Housekeeping?
Now, I do not wish any ill will on any of these people, I am just callin’ it as I see it.
Be sure and tune in to my upcoming show on Lifetime called, “Regular Mom with Normal Sized Family and Part-time Job Who Complains a Lot”
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November 12th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
LOL. I love it. That picture is amazing. My fave is “God is God, he doesn’t need to lead you anywhere to knock you up; please refer to the Bible for further details on that.” You’re awesome.
November 12th, 2008 at 3:25 pm
Thank you! *curtsy*
December 2nd, 2008 at 11:43 pm
You are wrong to assume that most Christians consider any kind of medical intervention to be against God’s will. Most accept it if it improves health, or, in the case of fertility drugs, promotes life. On the other hand, procedures such as selective abortion are considered to go against God’s will because they are destroying life which is considered sacred.
I’m not saying that I agree with Bobbi’s MacCaughey’s choices, but her and her husbands’ choices do not make them “hypocritical” Christians as they are often accused of being. And given that multiple births are very rare, it seems silly to fret about resources being wasted on them.
December 3rd, 2008 at 8:48 am
Actually, the example you gave is EXACTLY why I think that many Christians (note that I said MANY and not ALL) are hypocritical when it comes to this sort of thing. Who decides what promotes life? Is carrying seven babies really promoting life, or is it promoting Bobbi McCaughey having babies?
Why can’t this “promoting life” attitude spill over into other arenas…like gay couples adopting or involving surrogates to carry their children…according to Christianity, that is totally against God’s will…but, yet, it promotes life…so you can see the conundrum, here…
Medically unassisted multiple births are rare, but multiple births in general are becoming far more common. God did not allow for the natural impregnation of Bobbi McCaughey. They used medical intervention and use the “promoting life” argument to justify a decision that they know is not truly God’s will. If the “take what God doesn’t give you” argument is valid, then I should be able to justify a bank robbery in the same way. I go to work every day, but yet I find that I do not have enough money…ergo, I shall go to a place that has lots of money, and I shall take some. God has led me to this bank to take money that I otherwise can’t get on my own…
Furthermore, I should be allowed to keep all of the money I take, I should be celebrated and congratulated for it, and I should receive additional free goods and services to help me, because – after all – that would be God’s will, right?
Now, I am not condemning the McCaugheys. I do not wish them ill-will. I want very much for her to enjoy every bit of time she has with her children that are, undoubtedly, quite a handful. I am also certain that she loves her children with the white hot intensity of a thousand suns, just as I love my own children.
That does not make the argument any less hypocritical, nor does it address QUALITY of life…merely QUANTITY.
It’s foolish to spend so much money to get knocked up, when there are hundreds of thousands of children that were born to crackwhores and preteens that will probably spend their entire lives being raised in “the system” by caseworkers…kids that rely on food, clothing, and toy drives to get anything more than the most basic amenities. Kids that won’t have anyone to get excited over a lost tooth, kids that don’t have anyone’s lap to curl up on when they don’t feel well, kids that never get a visit from Santa…you get the idea.
So, explain to me again how paying tens of thousands of dollars to whip up a batch of kinfolk, and then playing the “poor” card to accept misdirected generosity is God’s will?
March 25th, 2009 at 2:03 pm
Jessica is so beautiful!