Up My Own Ass

For the adult-film fans out there you may be crushed to know this but scientists have reported that Mary Carey, the fat pornstar that farts all the time, has been diagnosed with “Pig-Whore” disease.

While family and friends have issued a press-statement saying:

Mary has always been a fighter and will pull through this. She’s never been one to dwell on bad news, like in 2001 when her parents told her that they had tried to abort her 4 times.

While I’ve never seen Mary in a movie before, I do appreciate that she is well-known for one thing: farting.

While many other porn stars out there might be known for some amazing feats of… sexology… Mary, when off the porn set constantly farts. In the docu “Fuck” she explained that she never does anal scenes because she “Farts too much”… oh boy, that’s fucking hot.

I’m really looking forward to the press event where Angelina Jolie explains that her and Brad aren’t as intimate as they would like because she sometimes has diarrhea during sex. That’s like walking up to me, asking me if I want a hot, juicy hamburger, and when I agree to it, throwing up in my mouth and then saying “Well I guess you are full now, nevermind”.

While I’m proud of Mary for strutting the “big girl” (aka ’super fatty’) look, I think she does more to damage the already fragile balance she’s striking (good-looking and overweight) than help it. In a pitch to convince us that she really is good-looking, Carey went the “I’m-in-LA-with-my-first-8-grand” boob-job which helps some folks, but does it overcome putting tracks in your pants? No… I don’t think it does.

When you consider the role porn stars play in this world, you really have to wonder at the genius or alternatively, the not-genius, of reminding men that you fart… a lot… and you might have just shat a little.

There are a few movies online of Carey farting, and it’s not normal farts, it’s straight up blow-horn-air coming out of her, here’s an example of one (at end):

and if you’ve seen the docu “Fuck”, she’s in that one as well… portrayed by a petrified, lifeless broom, devoid of personality and just sat there farting during her interview segment… joyous day. I think her parents drank when they had her and I’m guessing her mom took up learning how to roller skate at exactly that same time as well. Carey isn’t the sharpest tool in the shed, or alteast a tool that isn’t spending half the day shitting itself.

Best wishes to Carey and her long road to recovery from her disease, I hope a bus hits you and you are cured… I think that’s the only way.