Up My Own Ass

I already hate raccoons after an incident when I was younger and some got into our yard and just started systematically dropping our turtles off the roof, killing them, then tearing them open and eating them.

Naturally while shooting them with a pellet gun, they sort of sauntered around the roof until they decided to leave, completely unphased. From that day forward, I always wanted to buy a crazy huge gun and make a whole field of raccoons pay for it.

Anyway it looks like the poor folks of Olympia, Washington are dealing with their own raccoon problem, more specifically, freaking crazy “urban” raccoons that are not scared of anything. (Think of south-central LA, but filled with raccoon gangsters)

This gang of 10 raccoons or so are going around killing cats, dogs and biting people. Folks going out at night are carrying pepper spray and lead pipes to make sure they are safe… not from murderers, gangsters or terrorists… but from raccoons.

Forget that noise, I would buy myself a light saber or a samurai sword, dress up in full ninja garb and go wage a personal war on those crazy cat-monkey beasts. It would be, how you say, GO TIME. (Digg this)