Up My Own Ass

This past Thursday Scarlett Johansson attended…

… attended a Michael J. MAMMARY GLANDS Fox foundation benefit for AIDS, ugly children, turkey sandwiches, gardening convention, Parkinson’s disease.

Scarlett “Big Red” Giant CHEST PLAYGROUND wore a dress to the event, although for the first half of the night no one noticed. It wasn’t until 11:30 that anyone noticed she had even arrived, finally looking up long enough to her face to identify her.

When reporters asked Fox what he thought about Johansson attending his event in support of finding a disease for Parkinson’s, Fox had this to say:

moooooooooooooooooooooooooo *heavy panting*

and then promptly got up and did the old-town soft-shoe for everyone, proving once again that with the proper motivation, your mind can cure anything.

When word got out of the breakthrough Fox had at his own benefit due to MOON CANNONS Johansson’s motivating presence, invitations were shot out to the Hollywood starlet to everything from “Save the Whales” to “Save my Pants… with Your Hands!”. Albeit that the last invitation was from me, but I’m trying to save stuff just as important as Fox.

Let’s face it, when you have these:

people are going to want to ask you to save stuff… save lots of stuff… save stuff that might not even need saving, maybe just… “mild attention”… save stuff that you tucked away for safe keeping even… stuff that was tucked away in your pockets maybe…

<Does anyone see where I’m going with this?>

… save important stuff that some folks might have forgotten about…

<HINT: I’m alluding to my pants and all that they contain.>

… save something that maybe isn’t appropriate to leave out while shopping or helping out at a soup kitchen, but non-the-less still needs attention from time to time…

<HINT: My penis… I’m talking about my penis.>

… save som… oh, looks like I gave it away already. Ahh well, then you get the idea.

Thanks The Superficial!