Up My Own Ass

So I managed to break my office chair this weekend… most likely caused by my ripped abs and bathing suit models always calling me… and anyway, now I need a new one.

I bought this chair at Wal-Mart (or American-raping-Chinese-dream-company as it’s known around my desk) for $75.00 like 6 years ago… and I’m pretty sure they still have the same chair except now it’s probably more like $75.88 because of the cost of fuel going up so much in the last 6 years (ok… maybe China sorta rocks). But the idea when something breaks, is to get something better… right?

So I started my hunt and am coming up with chairs like this “spine cradling” chair… then I found more “normal” chairs… those were $300 of course, you know, because of the science of sitting and all.

Looking for reviews on office chairs is like Googling the term “porn sex boner pleasure”… every “review” you see is some sort of rogue/virus ad from the manufacturer themselves… the reviews on Amazon and other sites are completely useless; you occasionally will find a detailed and useful review, but for the most part you just end up reading a collection of bullshit reviews you know the CEO of the company probably wrote under the pseudonym ‘AwesomeChairGuy’:

I had chronic back pain caused by an inoperable tumor and then got this chair, it feels SO MUCH BETTER!!!11!

then you get the more extreme ones that make me just want to give up on “internet reviews” in general:

I have been cheating on my wife for 10 years and we cannot stand eachother. I got AIDS from needle sharing, but after using this chair my wife and I are so happy! NO AIDS! THX!

Well that’s an awfully fortunate side effect there ‘AidsChairCheater30′.

I know in the past when I was looking at chairs I kept reading about the Steelcase LEAP and Herman Miller Aeron… both about $800 new which seems like a smoking deal for a chair that is going to cure your dandruff problem and help you finally get your gambling problems under control again, but from the perspective of a human that just needs to stick his ass somewhere, it seems insane.

I imagine I’ll either pick something up at Costco one of these days or head back to Wal-Mart and see what $75 gets me now… probably a desk chair and an armoir made out of corn particulate and a $5-off coupon for 4 new tires.

If you have any suggestions on chairs, I’d love to hear them.