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Tag Archive | "children"

Simply Having a Wonderful Christmastime…

Sunday, November 16, 2008

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It started out innocently enough.  I was listening to Christmas music, allowing myself a modicum of giddiness that Christmas is on its way.  It just isn’t Christmas in my world if I can’t hear Elton inviting us to “step into Christmas” or Bono reminding us “tonight, thank God it’s them instead of you!” I madeth a joyful [...]

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Please Don’t Litter!!!!

Tuesday, November 11, 2008

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Honestly, I blame the McCaugheys.  You remember… Kenny and Bobbi McCaughey and their septuplets.  Fucking SEPTUPLETS. The drill is always the same.  “We couldn’t have babies, so we prayed about it and God blessed us with all these wonderful babies and promised to take care of all of us!!!” My question is this:  Why weren’t you listening [...]

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Smashing Pumpkins

Monday, October 27, 2008

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I love Halloween.  I love pumpkins.  So, it was a no-brainer that I volunteer us to chaperon on a field trip to a pumpkin patch for our son’s 5th grade class. Then I remembered that I hate other people’s kids. I don’t know WHY I can’t retain that vital piece of information, but I am forever distracted [...]

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From the Brilliant Parenting Files… File #3

Wednesday, October 8, 2008

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The first line of the story says it all: STEVENSVILLE, Montana (AP) — About 90 elementary school students in Montana have started a series of rabies shots after a parent let them touch a dead bat that was later confirmed to be diseased. But really, to get the full effect, you have to keep reading: The mother of [...]

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From the “Brilliant Parenting” files… File #2

Friday, September 26, 2008

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Wow parenting just gets better and better these days! Now, if you make a mistake - or nine of them - Nebraskan law says you can just click “cancel” and call it a day! I can see it: Hi honey, how was your day? Fine snookums. I got tired of changing diapers for Billy, Samantha was giving [...]

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From the “Brilliant Parenting” files…

Thursday, September 25, 2008

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I’ll never understand why we have to pass tests to get past first grade, get a driver’s license, or get into eharmony.com, but to bring a child (or twenty) into the world? Nothin. We live in a world of creating stockpiles of band-aids to fix our severed limbs as a society. What ever happened to “an [...]

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Cannibals are Family-Oriented Too!

Monday, August 4, 2008

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Q: What happens when a family of cannibals move to subrbia? A: Awesome license plates! Thanks Jens Eckels!

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Hating Your Children Has Never Been Funnier

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

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In the off-chance that having your children ruined your life (or maybe just your body) you could also play the passive-aggressive card and get them a costume that tells the world: “If I forgot him in a cart at Costco, good-riddance”. My personal favorite was the “Shit Head” costume… it says so much, with so little [...]

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