Up My Own Ass

Burnin’ Up for Your Love or My Trip to the Free Clinic

There was a time in this country when all you needed to constitute safe sex was a vasectomy and a 5th of vodka. Sure, there were STDS, but a quick dose of penicillin would sort you right out and you could get back to distribute your man juice like some kind of sexual Johnny Appleseed. [...]

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The Vapid Whore Wars or Bitches Is Crazy

For the past few weekends, I keep seeing the trailer for a new film that both horrifies and repulses me. There are a lot of terrible movies coming out in the next couple of months, February being the movie industry’s port-o-potty, but this particular piece of shit is coming much sooner than that. The opening chords of [...]

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The Way We Were…

Among my recent yard sale finds was this soon-to-be-ebayed cache of old magazines with dates ranging from 1936 to 1954.  If you ever want to piss yourself laughing…this is definitely the ticket.  The ads alone are worth their weight in Crisco shortening.  Let’s have a look: Straight out the gate, we have an ad for Ipana [...]

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Scarlett Johansson to Marry Ryan Reynolds

News just got out that Ryan Reynolds has proposed to Scarlett Johansson and she has agreed to marry him. I was surprised to see Reynolds move on so quickly from his 27-year engagement to Alanis Morissette to Scarlett. I really felt like he and Alanis had something deep going on… they could appreciate each other as [...]

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