Up My Own Ass

Cities around the U.S. have begun taking precautions, including hiring extra law enforcement, to prepare for the inevitable riots after the presidential election on November 4. One official, who wished to remain anonymous, said that “those people” will riot and loot on a whim, and that it will happen regardless of the Election Day outcome.

“If Obama loses,” he said. “It’ll be the Rodney King verdict all over again, and they’ll be all ‘oh, voter fraud,’ and ‘whitey this’ and ‘cracker that.’ If Obama wins, then it’s like the Pistons won the title or a brother made parole. It’s gonna be brutal no matter what. There’s just no escaping it.”

White people living in major cities are being encouraged to spend Election Day in the nearest suburb and vote via absentee ballot.

“Take your most valuable mode of transportation,” another official said. ”Because it will be turned over.”