Up My Own Ass

Okay, when I saw the tiny thumbnail of this cartoon, I thought the corndog was a tampon.  Of course I wondered, “What the hell could a hot dog POSSIBLY have to say to a tampon?”  I’m sure you have all wondered that on more than one occasion.

But, I am totally having to blog right now because I just had one of those stupid, awkward things happen…I mean, I am in my home, STILL in my jammies, and awkward decided to jump out and fuck with  me.

I’m just merrily typing some last-minute assignments and my cell-phone rings.  It is a friend from my last job whom I haven’t talked to in months, so I was like, “COOL!”  I answer my phone with the upbeat, POSITIVE phone voice, “HELLO???”

I mean, you could TOTALLY hear the smile in my voice…geez.

Then I hear this weird rustling noise…so I say it again, “HELLO?”  A couple more seconds go by, and finally, my friend gets on the phone sounding all exasperated, “KATIE????”

“This is SHE!!  HI, How ARE YOU?”

“Oh, sorry, I let the baby amuse himself with the phone…he must have accidentally called you.”

“Oh, hey, no problem…*laughs*…so, how’s it going?”

*silence with the occasional uncomfortable chuckle*

“Yeah, I’m sorry, that sneaky baby!”

“Okay, well, I’ll let you go, then, since you obviously didn’t call me intentionally right now.”

“Okay, good talkin’ to you…bye!”

So, out of the blue, someone calls me to tell me they didn’t really want to talk to me.  No big deal, except that now I have that same post-awkwardness sensation that you might get if you walked in on someone taking a shit.  No matter what else happens today, I will recall the awkwardness of that moment.

I hate that feeling.  I am trying to really sum it up so that everyone goes, “YES…I TOTALLY KNOW THAT FEELING.”  I think this is what assholes must feel like all the time.  I feel stupid for even trying to chitchat with her, knowing now that – even by accident – she doesn’t want to talk to me.  This is why I am socially retarded, I swear to GOD.

I will NEVER be prom queen.