Up My Own Ass

Because if it were, we’d be fucked.

Christmas brings out the absolute WORST in people.  I was reading an article about how the atheists are under the bus now because of their “just be good for goodness’ sake” campaign.  Of course, they preface it with “why be Godly?”  So, it’s fairly antagonistic, but still…the point is BE GOOD just to BE GOOD.

So, now, the hypochristians are ALL SPUN UP, just like they always get because they are the poor, poor martyrs of the world, carrying the burden of the cross in between hating gay people and banning Disney movies.  I guess they are pissed because you can’t be GOOD without acknowledging that good can only be determined by GOD.  I don’t think we are talking about not coveting thy neighbor’s wife.  Let us all rise now for a reading from the book of COMMON COURTESY…

Being good for goodness’ sake is a valid message, whether or not you believe in God…which I DO, just to set the record straight.  In fact, being good for goodness’ sake means doing it for the right reasons and not because the mighty smiter could snuff you out with the pinch of his fingers.  That’s just like those workplace glory-hounds that only do a good job when the boss is watching, and then slack when they think it’s safe.

I don’t even know how the hypochristians even noticed these ads…seems to me they would have been too busy staging their annual attempt to ass-out all the Jews of the world by banning stores that say “Happy Holidays” instead of “Merry Christmas.”  There is nothing wrong with saying, “Have a good holiday!”  I mean, pretty much everybody celebrates one at this time of year…it may not be CHRISTMAS, but odds are good that a holiday is being celebrated.

Of course, let us not also forget about all those fuckers who whine, bitch, and complain when somebody puts up one of those awesome blown-plastic light-up nativities.  Which one of you assholes out there is gonna bitch that your celebration of CHRISTMAS, as in THE BIRTH OF CHRIST IN A MANGER, has been ruined because you are having someone’s religious views crammed down your throat?  They are FUCKING CHRISTMAS DECORATIONS… not a religious MANIFESTO, for crissakes…

I remember overhearing a conversation involving a mother with her small children, and another person that was just trying to be friendly, that went something like this…

The stranger to the kids:  “Hey, are you kids ready for SANTA TO COME???”

The kids’ mother to the stranger:  “We don’t TEACH them about Santa, we TEACH them about JESUS.”

Oh, get off the fucking CROSS, bitch…Santa needs the fucking WOOD.  I went to Catholic school, but we still always managed to get a visit from Santa…in fact, Santa…fucking SAINT NICHOLAS…always goes to the children’s mass at the catholic church.  Now, granted…I am only a functional Catholic at this point (thank you, Patrick) but, nevertheless, I never missed out on Santa when I was learning about our-dear-lord-sweet-baby-jesus…

I bet that perfect hypochristian mommy dresses up like a dominatrix, and gives blowjobs for crack money while the kids eat popcorn and cheese for dinner.  Careful with that stone, bitch, or you are gonna break something when you throw it.

Well, I better stop NOW, before I am cast into a rain of brimstone and treacle on my way into the firey depths of hell.  Oh, FUCK…that reminds me that I have to go to Walmart today…SHIT.

Anyway, folks, I wish you all the HAPPIEST of Hanukkahs…the most PROSPEROUS of KWANZAS…and, of course, I am wishing everyone the HAP-HAP-HAPPIEST CHRISTMAS SINCE BING CROSBY DANCED WITH DANNY-FUCKING-KAYE!